Fairy Wings and Underthings
by HachimansKitsune
Summary: In which Jareth tries to break his word to Sarah and things go horribly (hysterically) wrong. What does one do with a tiny Fae King? Well, we're about to find out.


**Author's Note:** This little piece of silliness came about due to two of the women over in the LFFL group. It is fluffy and ridiculous - I hope you get a giggle out of it. As always, please review!

* * *

BOOM! THUD! SLAM! THUDTHUDTHUD!

Jerking awake, Jareth groaned and tried to steady himself as the floor began to shake, knocking him to his knees. Through the glass wall he could see Toby entering the room, each word the child uttered causing Jareth to clutch his ears and scream in pain.

"HEY LITTLE FAIRY! DO YOU HAVE YOUR WINGS YET?!" Toby asked, tapping innocently on the glass, the light tap having the same effect as a percussive bomb going off next to Jareth's head.

Curled in a ball, Jareth screamed, sure his ears were now bleeding from the sound and the raging headache he had as a result. Even in his agonising state, he couldn't blame the child. He knew Toby was actually whispering, but in Jareth's current size, even a human whisper was deafening. Sitting up, he braced himself as Toby picked the glass jar up from the shelf and sat it gently on his desk - even the gentle movement sending Jareth stumbling and staggering from one side of the jar to the other.

Cursing himself for a fool, Jareth watched Toby, wondering what fresh Hell the unknowing child was about to unleash upon him.

It was his own fault really. He had thought to be clever and circumvent Sarah's 'no turning into an owl and spying on me through my window' rule, when she returned from her latest date. Shrinking himself down to hide had seemed like the perfect plan at the time. And it was.

A perfect disaster as it turned out.

He had been in the process of secreting himself to await Sarah's return, when Toby's blasted dog had come upon him, the incessant barking causing him to fall to the floor in agony. It was then that Toby found him. For three days Jareth had been held prisoner in a glass jar in Toby's room, while Toby tried for some reason unknown to Jareth, to help him grow wings.

Toby sat on his bed and thoughtfully watched Jareth through the glass.

"Let me out, Toby!" Jareth roared, knowing his words would have no effect - for three days he had tried and the child apparently couldn't hear what he was saying.

"I'M SORRY! I DON'T SPEAK FAIRY!" Toby sighed and frowned, his words making Jareth sob in agony once more. "I WISH I KNEW WHAT YOU WERE SAYING. I ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET A FAIRY. SARAH TELLS ME FAIRY STORIES WHEN MUMMY ISN'T AROUND. SHE SAYS FAIRIES DON'T GRANT WISHES, BUT I BET SHE'S LYING BECAUSE SHE WANTS ALL YOUR WISHES FOR HERSELF."

"Let me out of this blasted jar and I'll grant any wish you want, Toby!" Jareth howled, banging his fists upon the side of the jar in what he knew would be yet another fruitless gesture. He was stuck and it was his own fault. "Curse mortals for their blasted glass jars and fondness for metal. Why couldn't the child have kept his pet fairy in a cardboard box," he grumbled, turning away from Toby and leaning against the glass. Sliding down the wall, he sat on the floor once more and groaned, cradling his throbbing head in his hands.

Had he been held prisoner in a cardboard box, it would have been a simple thing to wait until Toby left for school, then transform to himself - but glass was a problem. If he were to transform now, the shattering glass would likely eviscerate him before the transformation was complete. As frustrated as he might be with the child, the last thing he wanted to subject him to would be the sight of a mortally wounded Fae half-transformed in his bedroom.

Then there was the problem of the bloody lid of the jar...something called a 'canning lid'. If it weren't for the brass that formed the rim of the lid, he would have been able to simply transport himself out of the jar entirely to transform, but the brass prevented transportation. He had spent most of his first night of imprisonment trying to send crystals outside the jar to alert Sarah, but they were microscopic and never reached her. Jareth was well and truly stuck.

"ARE YOU HUNGRY?" Toby boomed, the sheer volume making Jareth's head swim from the pain.

Adding insult to injury, Jareth's stomach growled loudly. Toby tried to feed him a few marigold petals the first night, in some mistaken belief that fairies ate flowers. Jareth didn't eat them of course, he still had his dignity, imprisoned in a jar or not. They served to soften the hard floor of the jar, giving him some measure of comfort and warmth to sleep.

The next day Toby apparently decided that if a fairy didn't eat flowers, perhaps they were some type of carnivore. Much to Jareth's horror, the boy dropped a still fluttering butterfly into the jar. The poor creature beat Jareth about the head and shoulders with it's humongous wings, while Jareth cursed his size and inability to heal it or do anything to ease its inevitable and painful passing. So he spent another night, huddled in his (now dried out) flower petal blankets, keeping company with a deceased butterfly.

When morning came, Toby had the good sense to remove the butterfly, but yelped when Jareth tried to climb up his fingers to freedom. Grabbing Jareth by the back of his shirt, Toby dropped him into the jar once more and screwed the blasted lid on tight.

With a sigh, Jareth peered over his shoulder at the boy, who was biting his lip thoughtfully, in the same way Sarah did when she was mulling over something important.

"SARAH NEVER SAID WHAT FAIRIES EAT. BUT NANA SAYS FAIRIES ARE MOSTLY IRISH. SO I GOT THE MOST IRISH THING WE HAVE IN THE HOUSE."

Cringing, Jareth looked up when Toby uncapped the jar, then roared and dodged to the side as a slab of something the size of a mattress dropped into the jar.

"Dear Gods...the stench," he groaned, covering his nose with the cuff of his shirt, the laced frill doing little to stop the horrific odor from invading his nostrils.

"DO YOU LIKE HAGGIS LITTLE FAIRY?"

Jareth didn't know whether to laugh or curse the child. "Haggis is Scottish, Toby!" he shouted, then flopped on the floor as far away from the revolting 'food' as possible - which given the size of the jar, was not very far at all. Huffing, he folding his arms across his chest and glaring the large lump.

Toby sat still for several minutes watching Jareth, then frowned. "YEAH...I DON'T LIKE THE STUFF EITHER. IT SMELLS LIKE DIRTY SOCKS! AND TASTES ABOUT AS GOOD!"

Covering his ears with his hands, Jareth breathed a sigh of relief when Toby opened the lid and removed the offending 'food'. "Now if only the stench would hurry up and dissipate."

"HOW ABOUT BERRIES? DO YOU EAT THOSE?"

Hunching down in a futile attempt to escape the eardrum bursting sound of Toby's voice, Jareth yelled as something hit him in the head. Startled he looked up, only to groan and frantically try to dodge the barrage of berries the child was now dropping atop him - the only saving grace being that he was dropping them one at a time. A large raspberry thumped him in the head, making his headache flare. The force of the impact burst several red pips, dousing Jareth in sticky juice, that rolled down his matted hair, staining his once immaculate white shirt and brocade waistcoat. Collapsing behind a large blackberry that was half the size he was, Jareth panted.

"Thank the Gods he didn't drop them all down at once."

Toby sat down again, watching Jareth, while a sad frown tugged at his lips.

"DON'T DIE LITTLE FAIRY. YOU HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING SO YOU HAVE STRENGTH TO GROW YOUR WINGS."

Jareth leaned against the glass, thumping his head upon it in frustration.

"I'm not a Fairy!" he screamed, knowing Toby wouldn't understand him. "I'm Aoi Si! I don't have wings unless I'm an owl!" Sighing he poked at the raspberry. "It's at least fresh," he grumbled.

He hated himself for even thinking of it, but in a captive situation the first priority was survival. Reluctantly he leaned in and took a bite of the blackberry, the sweet juice going some small way toward easing the pain in his head and the complaints of his stomach.

"MAYBE YOU HAVE TO SEW SOMETHING?" Toby mused, his face pinching in thought. "GRAMMIE SAYS THAT FAIRIES ARE SUPPOSED TO SEW THINGS. OR MAYBE THAT WAS BROWNIES? ARE YOU A BROWNIE?"

Sighing, Jareth didn't bother to acknowledge the child's questions - it would do no good.

A loud booming sound shook him and he felt a brief moment of hope as he looked at the clock. 4:00. Sarah was home. "If only I could get the boy to ask Sarah for help," he muttered, wondering how he could put the idea in the boy's head without his magic.

Seeing the concerned look on Toby's face, an idea formed. In spite of the horrors Toby has inflicted upon him over the last three days, Jareth hated the idea of manipulating him, but it was the only way.

Jareth pushed himself up from the floor of the jar, clasping his hands to his throat and staggering around. Immediately Toby was on his face, pressing his face close to the glass watching.

"ARE YOU OKAY LITTLE FAIRY? WHAT'S WRONG?" he asked, tapping the glass.

Stumbling around the berries, Jareth let himself bounce from side to side of the jar, before collapsing still in the bottom of the jar.

"NO! DON'T DIE LITTLE FAIRY. I'LL TAKE YOU OUTSIDE. I'LL LET YOU GO! PLEASE DON'T DIE! I WON'T EVEN ASK FOR WISHES OR YOUR POT OF GOLD!" the panicked boy said.

Toby grabbed the jar and held it close to his chest, whispering his pleas as he thundered down the stairs, the movement sending Jareth flying around the jar, smashing into fruit, thudding against the glass, and generally making him wish for a quick death.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Toby slowed down, peering into the living room. "WE HAVE TO SNEAK PAST SARAH FIRST LITTLE FAIRY. BE QUIET!" he 'whispered', the sound making Jareth groan.

Lifting his head, the Goblin King looked at Sarah. The girl was curled in the corner of the sofa, her legs drawn up and held to her chest by her arms, wrapping around them tightly. She lay her head upon her knees, the dull look in her eyes despondent.

"I don't get it. We'd been getting along so well. Why would he just disappear? Did I do something to make him angry? I only wanted some privacy and a chance to date someone mortal… I wanted to know if what I feel for him is true or just some hormonal fantasy. I mean, who could possibly compete with the Goblin King? What could he possibly see in me for that matter?" she muttered.

Tilting his head, Jareth's lips curled in a sly smile at her words. "So she does want me… this date with the mortal boy was just some… some silly test?" he mused, only the clasp his hands over his ears.

"SHH… I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUTSIDE AND WE'LL GET YOU BETTER," Toby whispered into the holes in the top of the jar, the powerful force of his breath flattening Jareth to the bottom of the jar.

"Whatcha doing, Tobes?" Sarah asked.

"UM NUTHIN," Toby replied, hastily hiding the jar behind his back.

THUD...BANG...THUDTHUDTHUDTHUD.

"LET ME SEE IT," Sarah demanded, the volume of her voice telling Jareth she was now looming over the boy.

Looking up he could see the shadows of her face, hidden by a fall of brunette hair. "NOW, TOBY!"

"IT'S MINE. YOU CAN'T TAKE THE WISHES!"

"WISHES? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, TOBES?" Sarah asked, trying to peer over the child's shoulder. "GIVE IT HERE."

Cringing from the overly loud speaking, Jareth managed to stand up in the jar. He hung onto the raspberry and waved his other hand, screaming. "I'M IN HERE!"

"NO! THE FAIRY'S WISHES ARE MINE!" Toby pouted, trying to duck under his sister's arm to run for the door.

"FAIRY? FAIRIES DON'T GRANT WISHES."

"YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT CUZ YOU WANT THE WISHES FOR YOURSELF," the boy protested, then yelped when she grabbed his arm.

"LET ME SEE YOUR FAIRY," she ordered him, the authority in her voice unmistakable, even as the sound make Jareth cry out in pain.

Reluctantly Toby held the jar out to his sister. Sarah gasped at the sight inside - the Goblin King, fierce and fabulous, now the size of a tiny doll house figurine, no more than 3 inches tall. His hair was stuck to his face, and his entire body was splattered with purple and red.

"JARETH?!" she gasped, her green eyes widening in horror.

Despite the pain her voice caused him, Jareth stumbled to the side of the jar, his hands resting on the cool glass as he screamed at her, "Sarah! Let me out!"

"I DUNNO. DO YOU THINK HE'S A LEPRECHAUN? I CALL DIBS ON HIS POT OF GOLD!" Toby grinned giving the jar a shake and sending Jareth crashing to the other side of the jar.

"TOBY! DON'T DO THAT!" Sarah scolded, snatching the jar away from Toby and carrying it over to the couch. Sitting down she looked in confusion from the tiny, fruit-pulp spattered Jareth to Toby.

Relief flooded through Jareth the moment Sarah recognized him. "Yes… finally… rescue is nigh," he groaned, running a stained hand through his hair and cringing.

"HOW...WHERE… WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM?"

"MERLIN WAS BARKING AT SOMETHING BY YOUR ROOM THE OTHER DAY. I WENT TO TELL HIM TO KNOCK IT OFF AND SAW THE FAIRY TRYING TO CRAWL UNDER THE DOOR," Toby explained.

At his words, Jareth froze.

"Oh Gods…" he groaned, cringing at the way Sarah's emerald eyes narrowed, her entire expression morphing from concern to irritation in an instant.

"HE WAS WHAT?"

"TRYING TO GET INTO YOUR BEDROOM….I DON'T KNOW WHY. MAYBE MERLIN SCARED HIM?" the boy suggested.

"SOMEHOW I DOUBT THAT HIS MOTIVES WERE THAT INNOCENT," Sarah muttered, then stood up, giving the jar a little shake. "TELL YOU WHAT TOBY...I'M GOING TO GO HAVE A LITTLE CHAT WITH YOUR FAIRY AND MAKE HIM GRANT YOU YOUR WISHES."

"REALLY? I GET ALLLLLL THE WISHES? YOU AREN'T GONNA TAKE ANY FOR YOURSELF?" Toby asked, awed that his big sister would do that.

Smirking, Sarah gave the jar another shake, sending Jareth falling to the other side. The berries rolled after him, pinning him to the glass in a splash of fruit pulp and juices, while he screamed curses at her that she couldn't hear. Patting Toby on the head she grinned, "GO HAVE YOUR SNACK. BY THE TIME YOU HAVE FINISHED YOUR HOMEWORK, I'LL HAVE YOUR WISHES FOR YOU."

With the Goblin King's jar firmly in hand, Sarah bounded up the stairs, each step making the jar shake and lurch, while Jareth howled, being tossed bodily too and fro. Reaching her room she sat the jar down on her nightstand and peered closely at him.

"TRYING TO SNEAK INTO MY ROOM, HUH JARETH? THAT GOES AGAINST THE RULES AND YOU KNOW IT. NOW...I'LL FREE YOU BUT ONLY ON MY TERMS. IF YOU AGREE, TAP ON THE GLASS."

Growling, Jareth flopped down on the floor of the jar, crossing his arms over his chest with a irritated huff.

"DON'T BOTHER PLAYING THE PETULANT FAE KING, JARETH. YOU TRIED TO BREAK YOUR PROMISE AND YOU GOT CAUGHT. SO I HOLD ALL THE CARDS."

Jareth rubbed his sore ears and glared at her, then sighed and tapped on the glass with both hands.

"SMART MOVE, GOBLIN KING. HERE IS WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN...YOU WILL GIVE TOBY A CRYSTAL AND A NOTE GRANTING HIM THREE WISHES - WISHES YOU WILL ONLY GRANT IF THEY WILL HARM NO ONE, INCLUDING TOBY, AND ONLY AFTER CHECKING THEM WITH ME FIRST, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO STOP TIME TO DO IT."

Nodding Jareth tapped the glass again.

"AND… YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR OATH NOT TO TRY TO EAVESDROP ON MY DATES OR MY ROOM ANYMORE UNLESS I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE IN THERE. IF YOU WANT ME TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER YOUR SUIT, YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME TIME TO TRY THIS MY WAY. DO WE HAVE A DEAL?"

Jareth glared at her, his regal bearing screaming frustration.

"SUIT YOURSELF...MAYBE I SHOULD TELL TOBY TO GIVE YOU A BATH IN THE IRON SKILLET IN THE KITCHEN," she chuckled, her lips twisting into a wicked grin, reminiscent of his own.

"NO! Blasted woman! He'll kill me!" he screamed, banging on the glass.

"AH GOOD, YOU GAVE YOUR OATH, NOW YOU MUST BE HELD TO IT, GOBLIN KING!" she crowed triumphantly, as she sat the jar back on the nightstand.

Blinking in shock, Jareth stood there staring at her, wondering how she had bested him - Again.

"I'M GOING TO LET YOU OUT NOW."

Carefully she unscrewed the led and reached in, holding her hand so he could climb into her palm. Hanging onto her thumb, Jareth groaned as a wave of vertigo hit him when she lifted her hand.

"How humiliating, the mighty Goblin King reduced to...to… this…" he muttered.

Sarah leaned down and set him in the middle of her floor. The moment she stepped away, the air in the room seemed to crackle with magic, sizzling until sparks flew across the ceiling - then he was standing there, his usual majestic presence marred by sticky splotches of blackberry, blueberry and raspberry juice.

Sniffing, Sarah grimaced. "Why do you smell like Nama's haggis?"

"Don't. Ask," Jareth snapped, not even daring to look at himself in her mirror. Without a word he snapped his fingers and waved them at her bed, a golden crystal and parchment letter appearing.

Seeing Sarah's sly smirk, Jareth growled, his pale eyes darkening. "Don't. Say. A. Word."

Plucking a crystal from the air, he glared at her. Before the transportation spell finished, she leaned forward and kissed him. "Even covered in fruit, you're still sexy as Hell, Goblin King."

"I am?"

"Don't act like you aren't aware of how I feel about you, Jareth. You aren't that stupid, or I wouldn't like you."

Reaching for her to return the kiss, Jareth howled when the cheeky minx simply giggled, "I wish the Goblin King would go have a bath."

In a flash he vanished from her room, only to be dropped into a vat of icy water. Spluttering as he surfaced, Jareth was confronted with the shocked and horrified faces of the castle washer-women, who were trying to reconcile the fact that their king was now swimming in a washing vat filled with the knickers of the goblin army.

"I really must remind that woman to be more specific with her wishes," Jareth grumbled.


End file.
